Ever since I was a little girl I wan’t glad when I was told what to do. I listened to my parents and overall I was a good kid, however when it came to things I didn’t want to do, I became angry and stubborn. Sometimes I did them anyways (if you have strict parents what are your other options) but I did them with such a resistance that I had to control every cell in my body when it came to it.
I am still like that. I don’t like to do things when I’m told to do them. I can do them on my own, you know like 3 hours later, when I AM THE ONE WHO TOLD MYSELF TO DO IT. Best example from my childhood would be studying. I knew I had to study, I knew I was way past my due but did I go and study when mom told me so?
NO! Pha, I’m not gonna do that, mom’s not always right (who are we kidding; moms are always right). So I waited a few hours (as a rebel that I am) and started studying when I felt that little suffocating feeling in my lungs that told me that I would fail if I don’t start to study NOW!
As I said before I am still the same, except that my mom pretty much leaves me alone, because she knows I’m old enough to know better.
So if my mom is not the boss of me anymore, who is ordering me to do things that I decided to write this blog?
Pretty much myself. I know I said before that I listen to myself and when I did something at my own free will I find it spontaneous, however I have a tendency to do things a certain way or on certain schedule. As much as I am happy to say that I am my own person, I like when people are pleased with me, when I do something right or on time (talking about my job).
More of what I realized that I am a spontaneous person: give me a ride to the airport and I’ll pick a flight, I don’t need no plan. I may plan things ahead but let’s be honest, I never stick to that plan, I always choose another way by the time I come to an end. So I decided no planning. Just a little hint here and there, nothing big. Because even if I plan the thing myself I find it as an order that I give myself and as stubborn as I am, I don’t even want to obey myself (pretty weird, ha).
To get more precise I am talking about my hobbies. I have quite a bunch of them: writing a blog, creating videos on YouTube, photography, creative writing, reading…
And to finally clear my point I will take this blog as my example. I love writing and before I created my own blog I have been thinking about it for quite a time. I could never keep a diary, I wrote it for like a week and then just forgot about it, so I thought a blog would be better. And I know that I don’t write here on schedule or what ever (which I quite like to be honest) and that sometimes I really don’t have the time for it (especially this Summer, because I was writing my thesis) but when I do, it makes me happy. And at the beginning I was bothered that I didn’t write like every day or three times a week. I thought I could do it but soon realized that it was simply too much. Still I wanted to be consistent so I said to myself that I’ll write every other day, but that didn’t turn out as I planned as well.
SO I THOUGHT ABOUT IT: why sometimes when I write I don’t enjoy it and sometimes (like right now) I am so happy writing? And then it hit me. Every time I forced myself to write just to fulfill some pathetic schedule that I created in my head, I didn’t like writing. I felt like it’s a MUST rather than a hobby I enjoy. And times like right now, when I’m smiling writing this blog, I sat down with my computer because I had some free time, I had nothing better to do and I decided to dedicate some time to one of my hobbies, it was SPONTANEOUS.
So that’s why I think spontaneity is better. It makes you happy, it takes unexpected turns, it gives you a good time, an adventure, it shows you things that if they were planned they would never happen like that. And I am not just talking about hobbies, I’m talking about work and love and life in general.
I think we should loosen up a bit and just enjoy what life gives us spontaneously.
Read with you later, Lara.