A letter to myself 2Last year in the first days of February I wrote a letter to myself for me to read this year.
I remember that a couple of days back when I was reading my journal and realized how much I have changed in one year. (yes, I reflect on my year in February and set my goals in FEBRUARY) I will even quote myself from last year (yes, I do think my quotes are remarkable):
Let’s face it January isn’t a month, it does not exist, it’s just there to get used to the new year. I start my year with February. – ME
So it is February (I know it’s almost halfway through the month, but the beginning of February isn’t a month either (making quotes for next year … how smooth of me)).
2017 was revolutionary for me (yes, I couldn’t pick a different word, you like it, shut up). I changed and grown so much that I don’t even recognize myself anymore.
I am talking about positive change of course.
I was struggling and battling a lot of issues in the last few years and last year I decided that it was enough and that I can’t torture myself anymore and keep myself in this dark hole. So I said ENOUGH! I knew I needed to change and find my way back to what I wanted to be.
I am so glad that I have made it and that I have achieved the goals I set myself last year. I don’t really remember what I wrote in the letter last year, so I am really curious if I achieved everything 2017-Me wanted for me.
So, I’ve read the letter.
I am not going to lie, I cried … like a lot. Not because it was sad but because I did everything my 2017-self wanted me to do and I am proud of myself.
Now, I didn’t know what exactly to do once I have read the letter. So I decided to reply to my 2017-Self. (Don’t worry, I will write a separate blog post if you want to know what expectations I have for my 2019-self. You can read it here.)
it’s okay not to know what to write. We still have this problem every time we want to write but somehow it works just fine every time. The letter You wrote to me was beautiful (You’ve made me cry, what a friend You are!). And no, actually, I am not shaking my head. I do have to admit that I was a little scared of reading Your letter. I wasn’t sure if I’ve met all of Your expectations.
By the way (as you know Us) it is not 1. 2. 2018. It is 12. 2. 2018 and not because I was studying for my exams (I still don’t do that and somehow pass every time!).
Well, let me make You happy right away and tell You that Your biggest wish for Us came true: I am happy (happiest as I have ever been, actually) and I stayed true to myself and I am also trying to put myself first a little bit more.
About smiling more … I am, and for the first time in a really long time (and You know this) my smile is genuine.
I did finish the first year of college and I have officially finished the first semester of the second year, so now We only have one more semester to go and We are done with college! (Self five!)
I don’t know exactly what You wanted to say with the right path but I think I am on it and I am doing a very good job about it too! I still think (as You did last year) that masters was a mistake and even though I only have one more semester I still want to give up. I am struggling because it is holding me back from my dreams but I am managing my hobbies and interests as much as I can. I am working way more on my ambitions and my dreams that You did last year, so I think I am making You proud.
Actually, I did mark my calendar for our big event this year. However, it is not going to happen this Summer (a change in plans) but in November. I already talked to everyone possible and I am buying my airplane ticket this Friday, so YAY! Don’t worry, I couldn’t get this idea of Ours out of my mind even if I wanted to.
I think You would be surprised of how much We have changed in 2017. It is incredible I tell ya! We have grown so much and got rid of all the dark and negative thoughts. We had a “click” and We have finally started to look at the world in a way we are supposed to! And You are right, a lot of things did happen and some relationships have changed, unfortunately. But We have learned that you can’t keep all the people you love in your life forever. They came with a reason and they surely leave with one too.
About my hair. Don’t you even ask! When You were writing the letter to me, your hair was grey. The next thing I did I went violet and THEN I went dark purple! The cut was pretty much the same through all the year, but NOW! Now it has grown into a jungle of a mess and before You worry, I have to tell You that this Wednesday I am going to a hairdresser and again my hair will be beautiful! (I am thinking pink.)
This year’s resolution was a little different I have to admit. I still have the same ones I have every year. But this year, We are kicking it off with inner peace and SYNCHRONICITY. Thank you for trying so hard to make everything easier but I have to tell You that in 2017 I have learned that if you really want to make some changes it can’t be easy. And sorry for saying but 2017 was one of the hardest and one of the most painful years in Our life, but We managed and came out stronger than ever! And I am smiling while writing this, no worries there, I have so many reasons to smile.
I did meet a bunch of new people and some of them changed my life. I have new friends; people who inspire me and support me and motivate me. And maybe, just maybe I would say that Our confidence grew a little and we are a little bit less shy. So YAY for Us!
I did get out of my head. I did stop overthinking things. Not completely, of course. But I am getting there. This year is a year of Me and I am trying my best to just go with the flow. And thank you for trying so hard, I wish I could go back in time, to You, and tell You that by trying so hard You have progressed more than We could ever imagine!
I love you too and thank you for writing to me! I am currently doing so many things that are making me happy and I am trying my best to work on my dreams. And boy did You crack me up with the politician joke. (We are funny, aren’t we.) And no, I am pretty much still sticking with what I want to become and I have the same dreams and no, I am not running for president anytime soon, haha!
I promise that I will stick to my happiness and to the things that I want to do. I will stick to the best version of me and try and make it even better. I will make You proud and I am smiling and crying at the same time because I am realizing how much we have changed Our life for the better. I am proud of You too because you have achieved so much in 2017! And I am smiling, truly, and I am crying out of happiness more times that You could imagine.
And actually, what You expected from me wasn’t a lot at all and I must say that We handled it pretty well. You did know what is best for us and all Your wishes (and more to be honest) came true for Us.
By the way, the letter wasn’t awkward, it just might have been the best idea You have ever had.
Read with you later, Yours truly 2018-You. ❤